Well, here we go, that word, SELFISH. It's supposed to strike shame in the hearts men, women and children, because we have all heard, time and again, that we are supposed to live for each other, not only ourselves, because you see, that would be selfish. So focusing on yourself to exclusion of all else is probably not really healthy, but neither is losing touch with yourself in pursuit of trying to make others happy or gain their approval and that is exactly what most of us are taught to do from a very young age. We are conditioned to slowly give up aspects to ourselves to fit into our family and societal structures, but at what cost? The cost will eventually come down to your own ability to feel, know and fully love yourself, so you have to begin to ask, is it worth it? Is the approval of society, lovers, friends and family, worth losing touch with yourself? If this question sets about a certain amount of unease in you, or maybe even awakens a little anger, then I offer you this proposition, it's time to get SELFISH!
There is a difference between focusing on yourself and focusing into yourself. When you focus on yourself, you are actually still moving your awareness in an outward direction, you look around and think about what your personality needs to feel comfortable and for most of us, that personality is also comprised of how we have agreed to show up for others. Some of those agreements we have to keep, parents agree to care for their children when they conceive them, lovers make various agreements based on their own and shared needs. Businesses have to fulfill contracts to be viable. Agreements are the constructs through which the world functions. Agreements also need to be flexible to fit the changing needs of individuals, as well as societies. Where we often run into issues, is when we choose the structure of an agreement to the detriment of our own feelings and desires or in direct opposition to our innate knowing. This is where applied selfishness is really useful.
How to apply selfishness is a healthy way!
Healthy selfishness is based on the inward turn. What is that? The inward turn is what happens when we become curious about our own internal world, when we choose to investigate our feelings and needs rather than automatically reacting to what we are experiencing externally, blaming or seeking attention from others in various forms. The inward turn involves, quietude, introspection and most of all curiosity. It's way more than contemplating your navel, believe me! It's really about taking responsibility for your own experience instead of seeking reward, punishment and approval from the outside world.
We begin to ask ourselves, why am I feeling this way? Why am I choosing this? How do I feel? Do I like how I feel? What do I want to do with these feelings? What is being called forth from me? What is being called forth from me is not the same as what do I want. Too often our wants are predicted on satiating the personality and all the constructs both, living and inanimate, that make it function. What is being called froth from me, is a very different question, one that requires us to be in touch with that innate knowing, which I mentioned earlier. Innate knowing is really very simply your own connection to Source through your own intuition and that very simply requires some kind of emotional awareness, which ultimately leads to clarity. Knowing your own feelings, where they come from and then choosing how to process or act on them, is power! The power in those choices has the ability to free you from stress and draining drama loops. When we open our energy inward, we can stop deflecting our power outward, just to see what will happen, which is being in reactionary mode. In this choice point, we notice, feel and choose where our energy goes!
A healthy selfishness is simply us tending to that inward pull and creating time in our busy lives to take care of ourselves as autonomous beings, rather than the many hats that we choose to wear. Healthy selfishness is you tending to who are, when you need it, discovering what you notice when when you strip away all the roles that you play on any given day or week and feeling into what you are left with, without everyone else's expectations and the worlds obligations riding on you. It is knowing how you feel, and acting accountably for those feelings, knowing what are your creative outlets, and making it a priority to make time to pursue them, regardless of financial remuneration.
Really, healthy selfishness boils down to this, knowing your worth and taking time to feel into it and appreciate it, independent of anything that you create, do or produce and giving yourself permission to set boundaries that allow you to fully experience, express and enjoy yourself, regardless of what anybody else thinks.
When you take time cultivate and allow yourself to radiate in Fulfilled Selfishness, your energy moves from your core out into the world around you. Ultimately you become so full of Self, or Source, that your own radiance becomes a blessing as well as discovering the natural course of your life's service, as you truly embrace your experience as a wholehearted human.